I am finally FREEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ok la, relatively for today. Cos Poetry in the Flesh just ended yesterday and had a lovely supper with Shane! Haven't done tt in a really long while and I'm glad for yesterday's opportunity! =)

Thank you Bern, Matt, Mel and Shane for coming to watch poetry...i really hope u all enjoyed it... and thank you so much for the lovely bouquet of flowers Bern!!! So touched! It's really beautiful lor....and i'm like only the stage manager and some of the cast didn't even get any! Really made my day!!

It's been a tough ride but rather memorable and I've learnt so much albeit the bitching and the stress and frustration....I'm juz glad for the opportunity to learn lah. And to meet some really talented pple.

Today was the rite of election at OLPS for 9 parishes in the serangoon and east district and once again i had the opportunity to sing. But sthg rather unpleasant happened because of someone being rather diva-ish. Altho i really respect this person, it's the first time I've seen such primma donna behaviour and it really stank. I'm still wondering what to make of this. Hmmm...

But overall, today is a fantastic day cos I feel so exhilarated by the freedom and also because I've finally managed to get a gd night's sleep! And also (altho this might sound really strange) I get to start on my wk that has been put on hold!

Poetry starts tmw. (Today actually...) And I'm so exhausted i dun feel like goin for class tmw. Sigh.

But it's looking really good!! The cast is just fantastic. These pple are the reason why i fell inspired to act. heh.....okies....if u all are free come down and watch!!


POETRY IN THE FLESH (By Stages)

Romance is for the unfuckable.
Let's skip words - just screw me, do me, ram it thru me until i forget my name.
No procrastination.

Funny, poignant, sexy and unpredictable - STAGES has been bringing poetry to throbbing life through performance for years, and now, we are proud to collect our favorite pieces plus some new works into an all-new celebration of the word made flesh. Dead fish, tight speedos, maggi noodles, rainbow flags and army drills - all become accessories to the word in this lively, provocative romp through Singaporean poetry.

love is a welcome intrusion
an invasion you wanted
a violation we need

Fresh from an astounding preview in Wordfeast 2004, and featuring brand new performance pieces as well as stagings of text from shows such as Cybercum (Perth), Toy Factory's White Sails Over Blue Blue Sea and Action Theatre's Poetry In Action 2 (where the team was nominated for Best Ensemble in the 2002 Life! Theatre Awards).

Simple soul asks as little as possible - just someone to love me forever
and never let me go, and to give meaning to my life.
First-timers welcome.

Poems featured include works by Gui Wei Hsin, Alfian Sa'at, Paul Tan, Leong Liew Geok, Jonathan Lim, Ng Yi Sheng, Cyril Wong and others. WARNING : This show features adult themes.

When : 27 - 28 February (Friday and Saturday) at 7.30pm , matinee 28th at 3.30pm

Where : Hall, Siglap South Community Centre, 6 Palm Road.

(meeting point in front of the CC office) Tel : 62411925
Tickets : $12 ($10 concession)
For more details, visit www.nowstagethis.com
or email : info@nowstagethis.com for queries and reservations


A love on its own terms
Readme.text enclosed
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As well as yesterday went, I only had two plus hrs of sleep last night....and I forsee a v bad day of falling aslp in classes. =(

3 more days to liberation!!

He's finally asked me out on a 1 to 1 date!! Yesssss!!

It has been a rather strange day for me. For the first time I am overwhelmed with having too much info in my head. And it's not like academic knowledge, tis info of sorts...

5 more days to my liberation.

I can't wait!!!

So anyways...here's wat happened today.

First of all, the company tt has agreed to sponsor us the paints called me this morning(while I was sleeping) to say they've got my email and the paints are ready for collection anytime. But tts ok, normal....

Then, during class later on, after I started watching tt stupid Ian Machellan show on Richard III, which totally confused the shit out of me cos i didn't really understand what the thing was trying to get at, I had 3 calls! Answered the first 2 in a most disoriented manner and missed the 3rd.

The first was Ivan, from his office, thus i didn't recognise the number and when he said who he was i was thinking...."Ivan who??" the next thought was "Ivan Heng?? Does he even know me? why is he calling me?" then i registered tt it was Ivan asking whether i'd be home tonight so he cld drop by for a chat. Thank goodness I decided not to go for my Poetry rehearsals, but in the end, still missed him cos i was bz looking high and low for the darned Richard III book by Arden and missed the call so didn't get home in time. -_- So fed up man.

Then this guy called Steve/steven (whose name i forgot immed after he said it) or sthg called me frm ntu, saying tt he was frm the catholic apostolate or sthg and was referred to by Nicholas Lye (whom I had never in my life heard of before! and i was like who???) and tt he wanted to buy tix for francis. As I was already v confused/disoriented and trying v hard to make sense of the darned show, i said i'd call him back and he told me to call him in the morning. Sigh.

Then Mel Kwok called (and i missed it so had to call her back after class) to tell me tt we have another sponsor who wld like to meet up with us to discuss advertising and all tt. By the time i called her back i was walking to the canteen after discussing a little with my lecturer on wat the show was trying to say/do was abt and had to sit down because all the info in my brain was too heavy for my legs to take.

Thank God i managed to sleep for quite long last night.

Now, on to my muses as i travelled home on the train. I was just wondering whether being in a relationship makes u more dependent. Cos in a time like this, when things are so exhausting and I feel a need to cling onto someone for strength, I wonder if things would be different shld i be in a r/s now. The way I see it, is that if/when I come out of these 2 productions alive...there's a possibility tt i'll grow more independent and stronger/harsher? As it is now, I find it difficult to respect a lot of guys in general....esp guys my age or juz a little older. That was the main problem wif Jix i think.

My mom thinks I'm too siao, strong willed and Ra-ra for lotsa guys....and maybe tts true. Or maybe I'm just too snooty, conceited or aunty. Hmm.

Anyways...sthg idiotic juz happened again. Think I've killed too many braincells trying to remember things. Victor from my Praxis class just called me..and i was like Victor who?? again. Sigh....and it goes on.....

The weekend was quite ok....lotsa things happened (as usual)....me in my attempt to commit Hara Kiri has taken on too many things this sem.

Guess I haven't really done much work, and haven't been doing my readings while focusing too much on Poetry in the flesh and on Francis. That's really bad....and really taxing on me. I juz can't wait for next weekend to come and it'll all be over. Meanwhile....juz haf another week to tahan....*stressed again*

But mass today was really good...maybe cos i took a nap juz before mass and had a relatively quiet afternoon after leaving J8 where i had lunch wif Jac, Mel C, Jolene, Ben, Mel Olsen, Bern and Desmond. We had Sakae sushi! shiok! We attempted to attract attention through singing the songs from Francis....and tt really lifted my spirits! Altho had to wake up rather early I felt refreshed somehow today...I think God was trying to prep me up for the xiong week that is to come!

So anyway...back onto mass....and today's sermon was abt how we shld be compassionate as God is compassionate with us. It was basically a thing about love and how we really shld make an attempt to love those ard us..esp our enemies...or those pple we don't really like. It really touched me...cos i realised how bitchy and harsh I've become just over the course of these 2 mths again. I know I kinda went thru this last year...and I attempted to strike a bal between overdoing it and juz making sure things were running efficiently. I juz haven't been able to find tt balance. Being judgemental and irrational over the silliest of things... :/

It's most difficult being someone who is forever loving, always turning the other cheek and not getting angry or impatient over stuff. Maybe cos i'm someone who gets worried easily. Beneath tt supposedly 'cool' or bochup exterior....it's really a bundle of nerves. Think I need to take time away...spend it alone, or with my parents. Perhaps I've become more self-centred because now wat's most impt in my life is me and what i need to do, what i have to do. Yeah. I felt a need to start praying again...go to church more often...and to focus on Christ. Dun exactly feel v Christ centred now cos maybe there are juz too many things i'm involved in, that tax me way too much..and so wats the pt of doing His work, when He is not in my heart? But I'm thankful that I'm reminded once again of His love for me.

Hrm...on a lighter note.... someone (whom I don't know v well) asked me out on a date! Although it wasn't like a one to one date, but it had special significance! Now I can finally die with no regrets!!!! Heh.

Missions for the weekend:

1) Find out if PWC has a significant other....if he does.... then means time to cut hair! kekeke
2) Do damage ctrl wif Desmond. Sigh...juz started by putting a bo liao comment on his livejournal. Lets juz hope he doesn't get any funny ideas.

Need to:
1) Make tmw's lesson more interesting and engaging for the kids (this is where PWC comes in handy...note my excitement ;p)
2) Sleep more
3) Do Stage and Screen essay.

Sigh....another bz bz weekend... but exciting too....hrm...how interesting! I am provided with an opportunity to brush up on my nice and sweet side as well as bitchy! Oh well....

Oh drat and i juz realised I did exactly what I thought I wouldn't do. Avi said that pple tend to copy the way their friends write on their blogs..and i realised i juz numbered stuff like Mel in her last LJ post. Heh.

Aaargh!! There are juz too many dumbshits in the world and so many are in Francis the musical!!! Thank God for Bern and Jac who have to listen to my ranting most often.

I have no time to think of how to handle them and so i juz do it badly.

Poetry in the Flesh is just next week lor and there are so many poems we haven't rehearsed yet!! And the cast keeps changing and taking back their free days! I cannot handle all this stress!!!!!

Am feeling like damn bloody hungry...dunno y....am eating my 2nd Ham sandwich already...think sthg wrong wif my stomach!!!

Had a nice V-day date wif the TV...hehe....although it only began at 10pm, no thanks to some uninvited guest. -_- Watched Rugby! France vs Ireland... 35/10 leh! Wah lau...so sad...cos like the Irish were the first to gain pts...and I think they look so much better than the French team! Ahahaha....sounds damn bimbo I know... but they scored quite a nice try, (their only one). Guess I juz didn't really like the french somehow...dunno y. Oh...did I tell u tt I have this idea tt the Irish have really nice blue eyes?? And they really do k! A lot of the guys on the team had really beautiful eyes! ;p

Anna also paid me a very nice compliment on my live journal....and my head's growing bigger by the minute!! hehe...thanks dear....u juz made my day!

Then switched channels here and there....and ended up watching tv till abt 2am. Missed the Wales match tho...cos I was busy looking at Chio bu....Michelle Reis act in this quite stupid show abt breasts...but I think she's damn chio man. woohoo!

Am v worried abt my day tmw...cos I'll really be running here and there and I'm not sure whether mom will actually lemme use the car again...cos some of the stuff's quite official, but some are not really...in a sense tt they dun entirely approve of me spending so much time on Francis and Poetry in the flesh cos I'm not paid..and not really thinking of how exactly it is tt I can add value to my certifications. Sigh.

Had a strange kinda evening...started off as gd...am v thankful for Char Kwa and Ben for coming all the way down to help since they live rather far away. At least 2 pple bought tix frm us at Holy Trinity today! But then after tt..... -_- haiz. I shall not say too much. If u all wanna know, ask me.

Guess catechism class today was alright....met up wif Michael to kinda plan the lesson...but there wasn't really v much to prepare. I think next week will be more siong becos I'll prob end up having to do a 'mini-lecture' on History of the Church...and as it is, I was damn exhausted again today. Then again, when am I not exhausted after catechism class? Heh....too exhausted to even think of ways to ask him the thing tt Bern asked me to ask him. Nvm... no time lah no time...need to conc on other stuff first.

Am a little worried abt my involvement in stuff...cos it's really tiring me out...and Jac is getting stressed too. I just hope tt at the end of all this we'll come out stronger and better....and not disillusioned and sian.

I need sthg to keep me going so please help me God.

Stressed. Finally. I was just waiting for this moment to come cos I knew I'd never have an entirely gd week.

Many many many things to do, many many stupid pple to deal with and homework tts still not done. Sigh.

Pimples popping out(after a week or so with a relatively improving complexion) Basket....

I NEED MORE SLEEP!!!

Had 2 nightmares the other night.....that I was supposed to cantor for a different mass time and I hadn't practised, and they didn't have the sheet that I was supposed to sing from. -_- Then the other nightmare was tt I dreamt of Jix and his parents. Strange thing is, his mom has passed away, and I'd never met her before.

I wonder what it all means...maybe juz tt I have an extremely active imagination.

The week is going rather interestingly...although I have tons of project meetings and things on my 'to-do' list...I'm still feeling rather sunny! Been hyper all of yest and the day before....Maybe it's cos it's only the beginning of the week. My week gets heavier as it goes by...frm thurs to sat it's one mad rush to do things. But wednesday's my free day so it kinda leaves me well rested except for the fact tt I have to go down to sch for CG... but tts fine lah cos it makes me study I guess...

I wonder how Chonghan is doing...haven't heard frm him since he went over to Adelaide last week...but I guess his internet connection isn't up yet since the Aussies are really quite slow abt this kinda thing.

Currently waiting for my mom to come back home...and we're kinda going shopping. Kinda cos it's shopping for my props for Poetry in the Flesh which u all should come and watch! =) Feel abit bad cos it's like got nothing to do wif her...but she's coming with me. Maybe it's the start of spending some time together...I think recently my r/s wif her has improved tremendously. Cos like she really looked after me while I was sick...and I can talk and analyse stuff with her...guess it helps when I attempt to communicate more, just telling her what my day has been like and stuff...and bitching. Not exactly sure what she feels about me bitching, but she always listens very attentively...so....I'm glad for that!

Been told to seriously consider going overseas after I graduate this year cos if not my parents might not be able to afford it once my brothers come out of the army. But...I have my doubts...not that I don't wanna go and study, but whether the money spent will actually be worth it. Sigh....I so wanna go away and experience life somewhere else..but the money factor is impt.... :/

Oh well....just some of my thoughts for now....won't be posting anything tonight..cos got test tmw and need to study!

Tis late at night again and I refuse to go to sleep. Tis a v bad habit I think, tt my body is getting used to sleeping late and waking up late cos it does absolutely nothing for my schedule and I can't seem to get work done!

Had a nice dinner with Jac, Jo, and Mel at clementi....and it was fun juz talking abt girly stuff (which can be exciting btw...) and had a nice trip home with Jo. Sigh...tis so nice to haf someone to travel with u...without the heat and all u look forward to is getting home and resting.

I think travelling home with someone is one of the better things...unlike travelling to sch, where u hafta prepare to go for class...and prepare for the long day ahead....really kills ur morale even tho u've juz left the house in a gd mood, feeling fresh and all...and night time is the best for travelling cos it's so cool! =)

I'm cantoring this sunday, at OLPS for the 6pm mass!!

But I'm still sick!! Hope and pray that I get well by then!!!!

Those who wanna hear me sing can come specially for tt mass....those who usually go for that mass...well...u dun haf a choice! muahahaha

The Hamster is dead

Yes, Pinky has finally died...cos I got too busy this week and forgot to feed it. But in the first place, it was never really my job to feed it! I juz had to keep doing it cos my STUPID sister lost interest.

I'm feeling guilty like shit cos like it starved to death. It died with its eyes open lor!!!!!!! Like what the hell?! I'd hate to die of starvation and it's like my fault that it had to suffer. =(....

I HATE MY SISTER!

Lesson to be learnt: Never let ur kid buy a pet if u urself dun feel for it..cos chances are they'll get bored and it'll die of neglect. Dammit!

Oh well, today didn't turn out so bad after all! Even managed to get Dad to pick me up on his way back....so that was alright.

Apparently Jon's not that pissed at us lah...just thought that it's a wasted opportunity -- which it really is; I thought so too. But what to do..if some pple are incompetent they juz are lah. ;/

Today's poetry reading went alright....not too bad....and I had a nice dinner together with Jon, Kiat, Du'c, Jared and this guy called Alan. Conversation soon drifted to Chestnuts Unloaded and twas really funny. I'm glad that things turned out well in the end....although I'm terribly exhausted and still(!!) sick...haven't managed to get rid of my cough, I'm relatively happy.

Ooh, forgot to add that I have a new partner for catechism and his name is Michael... who reminds me of Dwayne which means, he's kinda cute(muahahaha if not why else will I talk abt him on my blog right??) and he's quite initiative!! We had meeting on tues and I was thinking of asking him to come earlier this sat before class so we can decide what to do. But to my surprise, he beat me to it! Hrm....haven't seen this kinda initiative in quite a while....esp frm a guy! Pray that we will inspire each other to want to teach catechism with enthusiasm! =)

Feel a bit like Netto....feelings on a yo-yo, one min happy and the other sad...but I guess such is life. I have a poem tt I wrote the other day...haven't written for a long time....lemme go get it...

**Back! Feel free to comment on it....cos I guess I wonder whether my poems make sense or whether they're juz some disjointed attempt to be artistic. heh.

Water never tasted so sweet
Air never smelt so fresh
All I wanted was to sleep peacefully;
dreamless, uninterrupted sleep.
Deathly, sweet sleep

To be ill is more than just a physical disability.
Your mind gets numbed by the drugs and you lose focus,
No longer able to control the aimlessness,
deep sense of helplessness.
I am waiting... to be cured.
For someone to come.
When? I do not know.
But I wait.

Written at like 4 sthg in my morning when I awoke becos of this awful bitterness in my mouth that made me gag. So I forced myself to walk 3 floors down to the kitchen to eat bread in hopes that the taste would go away. It did -- for a while...and I was feeling so upset at my uncomfyness that I decided to write a poem.

Another similarly sian day. Had to sleep late last night cos was preparing props for my poetry reading at Book Cafe today.

Then...today is my longest day. No break, straight from 12-6. I know...there are pple who have worse, their's starts from 10....but still. It sucks. I have not dreaded going to sch so much since a few sems ago. What's worse.....I can't just go out or hang out after a bloody hard day at sch, I have to go and work.

It's damn stupid to be complaining abt the poetry thing when I was the one who agreed to take it up in the first place. I know. But what can i do??? It seems to keep getting on my nerves...maybe it's just a bad time, maybe I just bit of more than I could chew. Maybe........?!? And sch starts at 9am tmw. My freaking earliest day!!! I just hope tt I will feel better once rehearsals start proper...then I'd feel tt everything I'm doing is worth it.

Yesterday, went to watch Asian Boys Vol 2. It was a pretty damn gd show, tho damn long...and Ivan Heng came to talk to us!! But then, this morning juz got some email frm our organising guy saying tt Jonathan is pissed off at us cos apparently we were rude and ran off after the show, weren't able to articulate our feelings abt the show to Ivan when he doesn't even usually talk to the audience...and the cast was supposedly waiting for us to have a talk back session! Like how the f*** were we supposed to know we were supposed to be doing that??? I think it's a matter of not communicating properly their intention. Maybe it was communicated at the beginning but I was late so I didn't know. But it still seems very ridiculous and yuan wang lor!!! Like wassup? So after enjoying myself so much yesterday, it seems to me now like a ruined evening cos we've got to do stupid damage control, to appease Jon and Wild Rice. In order words, MORE WORK!

Aaargh.............

Today has been really quite sian lor. had to go to sch cos of a make up lesson...but then instead of it taking 4 hrs, it only took 1!! So I juz nua-ed the whole day in sch lor...and then I have to rush to esplanade halfway through CG cos the praxis class is taking going tonight.

Now....at least some laughs while watching the CAW play cos although I'm not acting I'll be left all alone in the canteen. Sianz. It's like so fun lor and I'm a bit sadded tt I can't sing or play the bitchy Angel thing again. Haiz. Oh well.....everything in good time.

Chonghan's leaving this friday....think I'm gonna miss him cos then there'll be no one who will be interested enuff to watch plays wif me anymore! kekeke.....and of cos there's much more than tt lah.

Ooh, and Jac bought a lovely laptop(which i am using now!!) Damn chio man!

I WANNA RUN AWAY!!!

To somewhere with a better climate, nicer scenery, less stupid and irritating pple and nicer guys -- to a totally different environment.

Not gonna happen anytime soon. Bah!