Aargh...first of all, damn irritated again with NUS admin. The bloody CORS system and dunno what other nonsense is SO MAH FAN! TMD!! This thing about classification of honours track la, B.A. track la, and having to file for graduation nonsense is driving me nuts!

The other day had a heart attack cos i was still classified under Arts Yr 3. -_- Bloody system is stupid or wat?! First of all, early in the sem was the prob wif filing for graduation, dunno what opt out or opt in system...and now they dun recognise tt if i haven't filed for graduation I should be doing hons right??? Freaking stupid system lor!! Aaargh.... bloody stupid system!

I swear they're juz sadists out to make pple feel stressed before sch term starts. All this nonsense abt bidding gives the yr1s so much headache, make the seniors feel sian 1/2 abt starting the sch term...wassup wif the sch man!? So much for a world-class uni! My foot!

Sigh...ok enuff of the ranting. Tired man... went for arts chalet yest nite....it was quite fun. As much as I'm tired of being a leader/handing over stuff in this community, I'm sure gonna miss it lots when i graduate. The pple...the enthusiasm and the nonsense! It is this small community that I've hung out with all my uni life...and altho it wasn't entirely a bed of roses, it has helped me grow as a person. Most of all, the friendships formed, the pple I've met. =) But anyway, I digress... it was nice staying over at a chalet with so many pple once again...where there's no other agenda than to have fun. I've had it with retreats, or shld i say, planning of retreats and camps. They make me so stressed up and exhausted! Pity Wild wild wet was not open...otherwise it wld've been even more fun. Pity they didn't have enough space to sleep so Shane and I ended up on the rather cold and uncomfy floor, with no blankets! Brrrrr... Tts y we decided to leave earlier to get some shut eye somewhere more comfy. And tt was gd =)

Hmm..must spend time at home...think mother's pretty grumpy tt I haven't been ard. Strange tt she juz kept offering me food just now. Maybe she misses me... hmm.... ;p

And it's finally OVER! 

Francis the musical  has come to an end...(officially la, altho there are still some accts stuff to wrap up)....but yes, no more rehearsals, no more stress/frustration or eye-rolling! No more attempting to be professional, trying my darned best not to worry abt semiotics, ticket sales etc.... But also, no more excitement, adrenaline, joking around and just seeing the faces of all these wonderful pple who have given of their time and effort to be a part of this adventure.

Sigh...don't quite know how/what to feel.  There's a sense of loss...basically due to the amt of time that was spent on it...but yet, extreme relief. I'm not quite sure why I don't seem to miss it as much as I thought I would. Perhaps it wld be a delayed reaction -- I'm subconsciously blocking out the feeling of loss and intending to deal wif it later? Or maybe there has juz been so much stress working on this...and being in the production side has taken away most of the joy of doing theatre. I also dunno...but I guess I miss the pple la. All the talented individuals who gave so much of themselves, brought me joy when it seemed like everything else was gonna go wrong and those who were just there for me =) I suppose there's much tt I've been looking forward to after the musical...and the much needed rest as well as allocation of time back to my family and myself.
 
It's so wonderful to read all the testimonials of those who have been touched greatly by Francis, I am very encouraged. It is truly by God's grace tt we were able to pull everything off. The jubilee hall lady, Christina, was so proud of us she asked us to do it again next year. But I swear off doing production already...it is time to try acting. Even tho I think I suck at it, I have no wish to go back to the stress and frustration of being producer/production manager. Perhaps it's becos I lack the wondeful memories of being backstage or onstage during performance nights tt I feel my memories of it are not as great as most pple. But as my Pok Shane says, "remember the excitement of performance night". And yes, I was truly excited as hell on thursday...and was running on such a high for the whole night. =)
 
And finally, I think it's time to announce that Shane and I are officially together...to take our already wonderful frenship to another level. Might come as a shock to some of u and some might have expected it...but oh well, wish me luck! =)
 
Have photos of the production but no time to upload them yet. Maybe sometime later this week.
 
Thank you ALL for the flowers, and most of all, for believing in me and giving me the strength.  God Bless!

  

Oh wow, Blogger has added features for composing a msg now. Fantastic.
 
But anyway, tt wasn't the point of my post today.
 
Production Week is Here!
Yes, after months(a year actually) of waiting and planning and stuff... it's finally the 19th of July 2004. Ya, and it's like 4 plus am and I'm still not asleep. Too many things running through my head already, too many things to do, which I haven't finished doing. Have to wake up early tmw to help James to buy his colour gels. :\ Thank God for the company altho I wasn't really expecting it. :)
 
Am a little disturbed by the negative vibes, frustration, dissent, bitchiness and tension that seem to keep swarming around us all like flies. I think it's bringing everyone down. And to think tt I used to contribute majorly to it! But then, in the past few weeks, sthg different has happened to me. I'm not quite sure of the exact change myself, but I know it's for the better. The attitude to adopt for this week is very impt. It's not gonna be easy...I think it's gonna be one helluva ride, but we'll all come out of it stronger and having learned sthg. Definitely. In fact, I think most (if not all) of us are gonna be enjoying it in some way or another tt we'll miss it a lot when it's gone.
 
I guess also everything tts on the blogs these few days are rather depressing. No one's feeling particularly happy, except for me I think. Cos I had quite a gd weekend, and gd past week I must say. Didn't really plan it to be so, but it did turn out quite well. The company for the weekend was very charming... reminded me of my Gong gong(grandpa in cantonese) and his friends... even managed to sneak in a 1 hr long chat wif my mom abt my "future house" and kitchen ware and shit. Heh....amazing.
 
There's been both very negative and positive forces affecting my life at the moment. But I choose to see the good that's come out of it. Perhaps I will emerge from everything a much better person than before!
 
A BIG Thank you to all of you who have been with me through all this. Even the smallest things made a difference. But most of all specially to the few strong beacons of light in my darkest and shittiest times, could never have done it without you guys. Love ya all!

Had a fulfilling weekend...well kinda la...was busy running around Singapore, well more specifically Bukit Batok and St Mary's. I was there everyday for the past week man! But ok la, not really complaining tt much cos the concert or the rehearsals leading up to the concert made up for it all.

Yesterday was the concert of Sacred Songs at St Mary's and although the concert wasn't as great as our rehearsals, I still enjoyed it. Amidst the stress and the complaining abt the fact tt I was worrying about my costume or skirt or thingy I am so glad tt I decided to join this. I have learnt so much, and also discovered my love for classical pieces. It did help tt our audience was quite alright with it too la. =) Oh, also found out tt I can't really smile while singing..tts quite sad. Oh well, I will try to practice! Jacq! If we haf the opportunity we must do our own choir k! Or join sthg like this again!

Am also glad tt i had Jacq to sing together with me...and keep me company even tho we were singing different parts. But it was still great fun. Also v thankful for someone like Norman who took the effort to organise sthg like this, and am pleased tt I got to know him a bit better through this. He is quite an amazing character and very talented.

Decided to put up some photos...

Here's one of Jac, me and the conductor, Norman



Then, the singing babes and their supporters...



and finally one of Shane and me...looks quite nice I think..but then a bit improportionate(cos Ben must've been distracted or sthg ;p)



But had a nice and restful rainy day today. Very satisfied. I think not going for rehearsal helps. =) Oh, and had Weilin, Angel and Chonghan over for dinner today. Am so glad...it's nice to see such old friends again after a while. Well, they'll be coming for the gala night so will see them again next week! They added a nice touch to the evening. =)

Well, in 2 weeks it'll all be over!!! And hopefully we'll all get our life back(altho I'm sure we'll miss it like hell when it's over) :

Ultimate feeling of sianness. As Mello and Charkwa and Jac says, there's too much angst and frustration on our blogs.

I just can't wait for production week to be here then it'll be over and I can stop thinking about Francis. But really, this has really put me off production...terribly. Think I shall just join choirs - tts more my kinda thing.

Haiz. ok enuff complaining. Norman's concert thing is this sun!! Quite excited abt it (other than the fact tt I hafta search for a bloody long black dress) but the songs haf been ringing in my head the whole week already and I'm still not sick of em yet!! Only thing is tt this concert keeps me at St Mary's everyday. Was there last sun and have been going back everyday and will be till this sun..and next week also!

Then, in other news(the best I've heard today!!) Carolyn's pregnant!! I'm so glad for her cos she has gone thru some pretty rough shit and it's sthg tt she's always wanted and she's due in August!! Everyone, pray for her ya!! I think it's amazing sometimes the way God blesses us so much...even through the hardships and trials...all we just really have to trust in Him, that He will make all things good.

As much as I'm constantly complaining and feeling sian, I know He has a plan for me in all this...and it's the little joys and things that happen which show me His love in all things. Oh well, for all of you who are in Francis, let us all persevere and pray hard! As Anna said to me this morning, He will see it through, so...

Just keep praying, just keep praying...

It's been a rather busy but happy weekend..somehow although I was very tired I enjoyed it. Perhaps because most of the work was meaningful...tix sales at Novena, catechism, giving out tix at OLPS, choir practice(always makes me happy!) then more tix sales and an interesting (but also lovely) dinner.

Yup...okay...next few unrelated statements - been sleeping late and waking up early(except for today), my new TV is finally here! Finally! Altho it woke me up this morn and made my dad a bit irritated cos there was some cock up and they forgot to send the stand. And over the past 2 weeks I've realised tt the East is not such a happening place anymore! =( There's Ang Mo Kio and the area near Keenan's place and the Bukit Timah market!! Aiya. oh well...

Had a somewhat "disturbing" moment this weekend - it was disturbing in the sense tt it disturbed me from my normal state, shook me up from my sense of complacency somewhat. Oh the irony since it was caused by a sermon on Peace. The peace of the God. And an even greater irony-it was given by one of the shakers of my usual peaceful state - Fr JP. *rolls eyes* Yup...so how much peace have I given to the pple ard me? Very little I suspect...perhaps even less to those who need it.

Sigh...it is so difficult to be Christian...as Shane says, we should just all become Buddhists. Oh, more irony of the weekend? I was teaching/sharing with my catechism kids the imptance of prayer and how it helps us get thru the most difficult moments sometimes and how we must have faith and trust in it -- the moment I started talking to the ex-catechist coordinator, all the frustration and sianness came out..and i was just so not practicing what I was preaching lor. I wonder how do pple remain patient and loving in the most trying of times...it's just amazing. Perhaps it is the power of prayer which I have just not been doing enuff.

Then mass at St Iggy's today - on faith...and how faith is impt. It all seems to tie in with what I need...perhaps tts God trying to tell me sthg. Perhaps I will be comforted...and will learn to have more faith. Saw the programme booklet that Yinxiu was doing. Fantastic. I even discovered that my producer's msg was so moving, so inspirational...sthg tt just suddenly lifted my heart so much...haha...

Yup..so much for my incoherent thoughts today. And lastly - I have lots to be thankful about. =)

Had another nightmare about performance night. This time it was slightly more realistic than the first one I had. Cos it looked more like Jubilee Hall. And as usual things weren't going well and I was super stressed.

Okay..this is not good.

Quite tired...but don't feel like sleeping yet...

Had a jolly good day today..mildly stressed...oh! Was pretty stressed/irritated this afternoon actually...but then aiya...block out the trauma!

Rehearsal for Norman's choir was gd and it really made me feel so much better! Singing is therapeutic. *grin* I am so motivated/inspired to practice and start singing properly all! The latin songs are so beautiful lor..altho cannot pronounce properly yet but then I will learn soon!

Gonna help Mello with costumes tmw..hope I can wake up!