I'm back frm Bintan!!

A bit sad to hafta come back to "work" here....but had quite a gd time...and am sunburnt even tho didn't get to spend much time on the beach on thurs since it rained!

But yeah...more later then....

Haven't quite had the mood to post anything recently...was momentarily excited by the discovery that I can now use a program to upload photos directly to my blog...they will resize and do everything for the computer idiot. Actually posted a pic initially, but felt twas a bit out of point so removed it.

But maybe if I can find a way to put it on this post I will post it. Heh..it's a pic I found of Carlos Spencer!! My fav All Blacks player! He loooks damn cool in this pic somemore! Oooh! Check out those rippling muscles and the damn cool Maori tattoo on his arm! But this pic's not too recent..maybe last yr or sthg.




Anyways...since pple have been wondering why I've not been updating...thought I'd juz put some thoughts down to say tt, "Yup, hey I'm alive...still here...won't disappear yet...(altho sometimes I really wished I could)"

It's been a more relaxed week, without having to prepare for retreats and stuff. Managed to get the much needed rest...did a lot of KTV-ing...went on tues AND wed and seems like I'm really the KTV Queen now cos I've been organising for pple. Am a bit peeved tt pple juz take it for granted sometimes and dun RSVP or juz CAN'T do the damned organising themselves! Maybe I'm juz more 'passionate' abt it than them...I dunno. Maybe tts y I'm the KTV queen. I need to step down(even tho it's only been a week of crowning)

It's also been a week of intense emotions...mostly of disgust and irritation...with numerous pple whom I will not name here. But well, there have been many great moments of thankfulness and joy too. Oh well, we all get our share of stupid and irritating pple as well as those who are fair, kind and lovely =) U know who u are... *hugz*

It feels like it's been a really long week, altho it's mostly been lotsa sleep and planning. I'm beginning to hate the planning bit. A little unsure of myself as producer too...cos I seem to lack the spirituality tt is needed for Francis and am hardly the person to emulate his values or be as strong as St Clare etc. Feel like perhaps I'm worrying too much? Or in this for the wrong reasons...sigh..time to sort it out again or maybe I'm juz tired?

I know pple are juz as tired as me, or even more fatigued. There are pple who seem to see the sense or to make sense out of what I'm doing and sometimes I just don't. Feel more than juz a little inadequate right now..but God must've put me in here for a reason...there must be a good reason somehow.

Lets see what else happened this week...sold tix for Francis at Holy Trinity...it wasn't too bad..better than nothing. Oh, watched Troy on mon..and drooled immensely at Brad Pitt! Erm...finished reading The Hobbit and am a little less than halfway thru the LOTR trilogy. How I wished I cld disappear into the realms of those dark and/or bright stories...in an attempt to find some adventure of my own even tho I know

GOD IS (SUPPOSED TO BE) THE GREATEST ADVENTURE

in Francis but oh well..currently not quite so lah.

Yeah...tired...guess I just wanted to say again Thank God for Jacq...w/o which I wld've keeled over and died during just now's meeting.


**edit almost an hr later

Feel much better now after some rubbish talking wif Bern. Siao charbor...make me even more siao only. Hmm..haf a feelin I'm havin some hormonal imbalance. Yet...as much as I've been complaining abt guys being too young for me and drooling or getting excited over some silly guy I haven't actually felt any better abt the 2 who have been making some attempt to get into my life. *puzzled* Maybe I'm not so crazy after all. =) (YAY!)

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.

Had a nice, quiet weekend. It was really gd cos for the first time in a long while I just spent the entire weekend doing nothing related to Francis, but just focused on resting.

It's one of those times when I needed to sit down and rethink what is it I have been doing in life and try to clear out everything else tts meddling with my vision and the ultimate goal of why I'm doing the things I do. It's a gd time for re-evaluation and rejuvenation. Something which ironically the arts retreat tried to get at but didn't manage to get to me(even tho i did have some fun).

Guess I really needed to get better too...after being sick for so long. It was one of those weeks where mass affected me quite a bit. Had a minor epiphany which I'm still trying to work out. But Father Greg's sermon really touched me...it was about Love, which I realised had just totally escaped me these few weeks. Being consumed by everything I did not wish to be consumed by...and I have become somewhat monstrous. Something really awful happened to me or rather, dawned on me during arts retreat...some of u might know...and so the thought of quitting crossed by mind for the first time.

I suppose I really need to rethink why I'm doing Francis. I believe I will come to understand that soon...but in the meantime, with God's grace...I am calm and rested. =)

Yup...but the heat has been awful these few days...maybe tts y I had such strange dreams last night abt getting pregnant and premature babies. Hmm...but i digress lah...

A big Thank you to those who have been most patient with me when I most needed it...let us continue to persevere in these most difficult times.

Hrm...blogger has a new userface and all...seems to me like the main thing nowadays is upgrading.
*stomach rumbles...goes to get cheese*

Am doing a session with Bern, Wayne, and Jo tmw...hope I don't mess up. As I was saying, the irony of it is that the theme is on "replenish" and how we shld always try to recharge ourselves to prevent burnout. Yet...I have a feeling tt i might juz be headed down tt road. And this time, there's no Ivan to take me on a personal retreat.

Guess this juz means I hafta handle it on my own.

The personal growth and self discovery I have had for the past year (away frm Jix) has been quite amazing. If not for the wonderful pple who have come into my life, the opportunities presented by God, and His Grace, I would have been quite a different person.

But also I guess with time and age, you learn stuff...am currently having to face a lot of emotions and stress which I haven't the time to sit down and think through. It doesn't help tt I feel most awful cos I'm sick. Hopefully it doesn't erupt into sthg like wat happened at CNY when I was really really ill. I think once a year is bad enough.

Lets see what I did today. Had a nice time wif Wayne after rushing ard at home for abt an hr or so doing Francis stuff(what else rite?). So by the time i left the house for the first time, i was already late and pissed. Then, upon almost reaching the busstop i realised i forgot my darned wallet. so went back to take then decided to take a cab since i was so hot and bothered. Then realised tt i left the tequila(which i was supposed to bring to Shane's thing) at home. Sigh. Absent minded me.

But it was fun hanging out wif Wayne, eating scones and drinking soup and finally getting down to planning the session. Then it was down to hanging out wif Jo, the Ben n Jac, Mello, the Kwas and jules at Shane's thing. It was the nice end to a grouchy albeit well rested day. =)

Oooh yeah baby! Happy one-year breakup Anniversary!!!

Hahaha...just reminded myself tt i shld be happy on this day cos there's lots to celebrate abt! First of all, i suppose, my liberation! Thank God for this gift!

Second, the fact that I've survived a year, becoming a much better person and learning so much more abt myself!

Aiya, over all I'm juz glad lah! Strange that he decided to msg me just now...maybe he also knew tt it was 1 year frm tt fateful day. Tried to ask me to meet up but I promptly declined again. Hmm.....i'm not quite sure if tts a sign tt i ain't quite over him or over the relationship? Cos like i guess i still feel irritated when i think of him. Not majorly lah, but i really do wish he'd juz stay away. Or maybe it's juz my current agitated/irritated/grumpy/cranky state of mind.

Dunno man...but in other news, I cantored today, went off key and slipped on the sanctuary. -_- But i must say wasn't quite in my top form today lah...sore throat plus fatigue and not enuff prep tts y. And Margaret said it was gd. Then again, (altho it's not her fault) sometimes pple don't quite tell the truth cos they dun wanna hurt ur feelings. Tts why sometimes I'm glad Samuel is the way he is, for proper feedback lah. Too bad he's away now.

Oh, and continuing on tt note, I've decided not to join Singapore Idol. Esp after reading the things u hafta do for auditions and i can bloody imagine the queues at 8am juz to get a chance to sing in front of pple whom I think cannot sing emselves. So duh. And yeah, as I was sharing with Wayne and Bern the other day.... not sure whether it was God who spoke to me or juz a realisation on my part during my bro's cfmation mass(when i cantored as well) that I'm perfectly happy singing in church and perhaps my (limited) talent should not be used for S'pore Idol. Those who are better than me, like Mello, Jac and Melch among many others shld try tho...

Sigh, a long day awaits me tmw...am quite tired and have fallen sick (due to too much staying away frm home). :/ Oh well, off to bed soon then!