B asked me today, "Aside frm all the externalities like marriage and kids etc.. what do u think u really need in a r/s?"

And I think the most fundamental need is stability. Someone who can give me a sense of security. Someone I can count on to always be there , to take care of me. Just because I can be self sufficient doesn't mean I don't need to be taken care of.

I think that was always lacking. Amidst all the passion, spontaneity and excitement..I was always worried that it would disappear someday. Running off together with the insatiable need for something different, something new...and the partying. And it did disappear. Twice (shame on me for allowing that, really). Taking my self confidence along with it.

It all boils down to differences in personality. And I believe that's not something that can be changed.


You're right to say that talk is cheap. What could you possibly promise me and subsequently fulfill? We're just two different people, at two different stages of our lives. If it really is meant to be, the future will happen. But at this point, the now still has to be lived. We're not living in a fairy tale world. Please be considerate and just leave me alone.

我要狠!!!

Don't mind me. 自言自语罢了.

Ok...as promised, am gonna upload some of the photos taken over the past week..before the next happening weekend!! Haha yeah right. Have planned for the weekend to be more rest-full.

So last last sat.. had ktv with the "Teo Heng" group. Call them tt cos we keep going to Teo Heng which is damn cheap and gd! And I was just reminiscing that the first time we did the ktv thing was abt 1 yr ago, in celebration of my bday. Now its been almost 1 year already.. and my bday is coming again! But we're no longer in the same office :( Ok so back to the pgm.. after ktv we went for 鸡饭, then had this snow ice thing at 32 deg fahrenheit in marine parade, which was really gd! I love the yakult flavoured base! :) Then we went to play arcade (woohoo!), then went to watch Where Got Ghost. Much much fun and laughter. I am how lucky to have pple who dun mind doing all the things I like?? Major happiness sia.


Then last sat went for this Shiseido makeup workshop. Not tt I've got the bloody time and energy to start putting stuff on my face everyday. But as I've said.. just cos u know how to drive doesn't mean u have to drive everyday right. Just learn a skill la. And for the time being, 学会怎么做女人. Heh. Tts me with Freda. They gave us this hair band thing which is damn gd btw. As usual wif my lousy camera.. the pics not really sharp one :( But i was quite proud of myself for not messing up my face too much (even before they came to help balance it out!) ;p

And now.. the last few pics were frm a (groupie) session at Timbre@Artshouse. Haha. Ok la... biggest groupie is me. I heart Sara!!! Second biggest groupie is Meng. Heh. It was a great night. Managed to get there not too late, altho we cldn't get a table close enuff.. but the beer was super cold and the company was fun. Most of u know tt I'm generally quite anti social.. but the mix of both groups were quite pleasant really, which surprised me. Maybe it's the fact tt pple made the effort to talk abt interesting stuff. Not the mindless bullshit u try to scream abv the racket at clubs. The lighting was not condusive for photos, but the second one (with stamford raffles coming out of our heads) was really quite nice leh. so i decided to incl it. :D

And last but not least. A pic of Pam and I. Was just musing on how long we've known each other (20 yrs!!) and for some strange reason, over the last few years, we've started looking more and more like each other. So much so tt whenever we go for facials or shopping etc.. we keep getting asked whether the other is a sibling. I think it's a case of having known each other for too long. :p And I really can't dispute the fact tt she's chio lor. hahahaha

I love you.. for sentimental reasons..

I love you.. for sentimental reasons..

Re-writing / Letting go of 5 (actually more like 8) years of memories is no mean feat. It’s almost like cutting out a huge chunk of your life. Not possible to erase I think. Can only attempt to bury it away in the deep recesses of my subconscious till its retrieval no longer hurts.

Anger is always the most immediate reaction tt surfaces after such loss. U wonder if all tt time together was just a waste, now that it has come to naught. But the other day, while reflecting on the past 5 years, I said something to a friend. The words only struck me when they actually rolled off my tongue.

"If I could go back in time, I'd still have chosen to go through the whole thing again."

Perhaps I'd have left a little earlier, instead of later. But those years had their wonderful moments. There was much joy, wonder and excitement. Even though there was also pain and a lot of frustration. Learnt much about friendship, love and most importantly, about myself.

I guess it's just one of those things we go through in life. Like a rite of passage. This thing about memories and love remind me of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Thought I'd actually mused abt this before...but can't seem to find the post which I'd written years ago. This movie was also significant to the beginnings of the relationship.

Anyway. It's late... and I'm just rambling. Off to bed. Shall try to post a few happy pics the next round.. of the dear pple who've been my source of comfort over the past few weeks. All the angels in disguise :)

Blessed

Blessed

3 things greeted me when I got to the office today:

1) A bottle of Absolut Vodka (to drown my sorrows?);
2) An envelope of sthg addressed to 2POE/IR (ooo... mysterious mysterious); and
3) An original composition (song) in my mailbox. Original ok. Dun play play.

Is this a gd day or wat! Other than the other arrows tt flew into my mailbox of cos. Heh. Ok la, i knew the bottle of Vodka was going to be there...cos we're having a party on fri.

But s/n 2 was a slab of really funky Earl Grey flavoured choc, accompanied by a really sweet note. From someone totally unexpected. I mean, I don't even recall telling him tt I liked tea! And I get chocolate that's flavoured with my absolute favourit-est one?! (I will post pics when I fig out how to download them from my phone) And s/n 3 was a totally unexpected gift. I mean, how often does one get original compositions from a friend just cos "no matter how we can rationalise the outcome of things, there will still be moments when the heart feels like it's breaking...".

And on top of all tt, today was badminton and guitar day! - in separate sessions of cos. I just couldn't stop smiling :D


I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed
and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

...You could be next to an Angel In Disguise

How much more apt could my choice of concert song be?